Alfie says he doesn’t believe in such things, but the houseboat is haunted. Maybe the ghost of Jack LaLanne, a former owner of this place? Alfie sees shadows out of the corner of his eye. Sometimes his pipe disappears. Reappears days later.

We call The Séance Sisters for a session. Are you sure it’s not cataracts, I want to ask. Macular degeneration? But how to explain the jumping jacks on the deck upstairs at all hours of the night? Jack LaLanne was an early riser, and, of course, an exercise fanatic.

The doorbell rings. The Séance Sisters keep their appointments. Venmo. Apple Pay. Exorcisms are subbed out, according to a Yelp review.

We answer.

No one’s there.

We stare at vitamin supplements and two-pound dumbbells on our welcome mat.

Did you see that, says Alfie with a sideways glance, reaching for his pipe, also not there.

Bio: Guy Biederman