It’s an odd mode for a profile. Joe doesn’t know what’s to be gained through blatant statements that show little tact or craft in their construction. They’re lacking subtlety. There’s no elegant entrance. They do nothing but announce here I am, now deal with me, like an awkward weight being dropped in the reader’s lap. “Married for twenty-five years (fifteen of them happily),” or “I’ve tried all the dating sites and had dozens of dates, thought I’d try this one,” or “I’ve learned that we need to be friends first...blah blah blah....”

This is not what he had meant by “be direct.”

The confessionals do beg the question: What is there to confess?

Think on thy sins.

He grabs the yellow legal pad, finds a pen, and settles into the high-leg recliner in his study.

He confesses that he has taken relationships for granted.

He confesses that he has been selfish as a partner and lover.

Confesses that he has not been honest with himself.

Confesses that he has often sought only physical pleasure.

He confesses that some nights he has turned off his phone to shut himself off from whomever was needing more from him than he was from them, which is to say that instead of working through it, he bailed when things got tough or awkward.

He confesses ineptitude at managing relationships; confesses a lack of skill development in that domain of adulting.

He confesses his loathing for such an idiotic term: Adulting.

He confesses to tremendous discomfort when in the company of married couples his age. Confesses that his eye twitches upon approach, like an airplane that can’t keep its wing flaps down for landing.

He confesses that all these sins have brought him here: “Here I am relying on digital personal ads to spark a flame, hoping it will bring warmth and light into my life. And this time I’ll cup my hands around that flame to keep it from blowing out. To keep myself from blowing it out.”

Joe looks at his handiwork. It’s nothing if not honest.

How effective would it be in his profile?

He confesses to having no idea.

Jeff Burd

is a graduate of the Northwestern University writing program and works as a high school English teacher in the northern suburbs of Chicago. Mr. Burd’s novella-in-flash Hello, Joe is the “coming of middle-age” story of Joe as he struggles to understand who he is and establish meaningful relationships. Thoughts of W.S. Merwin’s “The New Song” haunt Joe at every turn: “For some time I thought there was time / and that there would always be time....”

More on the Web: By, About, and Beyond

⚡ The New Song by W.S. Merwin, republished at The Merwin Conservancy from The Moon Before Morning (Copper Canyon Press, 2014)